


Pain in the.....Heart?

by R_4_L



Series: Karasuno Crows [1]
Category: haikyuu
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-08 01:21:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10374627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_4_L/pseuds/R_4_L
Summary: Haikyu Pre-Canon of what happened the year before Hinata and Kageyama attended Karasuno High.  The begining of Suga and Tanaka's relationship and the rocky start they have.  Original characters in the shape of the parents of many team mates.TRIGGER WARNINGS Mentions of child abuse both physical and sexual.Connected to "An Unusal Pair"Haikyu is owned by Haruichi Furudate and I am only a fan and make no claim on ownership.





	1. In the begining there was pain...

**Author's Note:**

> This FanFic has not been beta read so I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors.

Saeko rushed home, the seventh grade teacher had told her that Ryu had been sent home at lunch. She was worried about him, both of their parents were home today and if Ryu was sick, this wasn't going to be good. She could hear the yelling down the street, and ran faster. At the door she heard not only something smash against the wall but also Ryu cry out. Her eyes squeezed shut, she opened the door and searched frantically for her little brother. He was on the floor against the wall, his face was already swelling and he was holding his arm to his chest.

"Dad, hey why don't I get Ryunosuke out of here and you and Mom can go out for the night." She needed him to get his focus off of Ryu.

"Damn brat came home at lunch and got sick, why the hell he didn't stay at school. Isn't that what we pay them for." He stalked off to the kitchen muttering about the horrible school system.

Saeko stood in the living room, hands on her hips blocking the view as Ryu crawled toward the back hallway and the bedroom. Once he was out of sight, she went into the kitchen. Dad was already opening a beer.

"Saeko, your whore of a mother is out, so what's for supper?"

She opened the fridge and pulled out everything she could for a soup and meal for that would be filling. "I'll get something put together in about a half an hour."

Picking up his beer, he headed towards the back door, "fine, I'll be in the garage for now, call me when supper is ready."

Saeko didn't breathe until the door closed behind him, ignoring his comments of her being a useless bitch. She quickly put the broth on to boil for Ryu and the water on for rice before rushing down the hall to see just how badly Ryu was hurt this time.

"Nii-chan why do they hate me so much?" Ryu was already in the bathroom washing his face.

"I don't know honey, I don't know." She took the cloth from him and finished the job, brushing his hair away from his face to see just what damage was done. The long bangs would hide most of the bruises. She settled her hand on his cheeks checking for a fever while she was at it. "What happened at school?"

"I got sick and the teacher told me to go home. I told her I needed to tell you first, but she wouldn't let me." There were tears in his eyes, her strong brother who bore the brunt of all the hatred in this house, was crying. "Where did he hit you?"

"He slapped me and I stumbled back against the wall and tripped."

Saeko was trying to figure out if he was lying to not, she stared him for a minute before heading back to the kitchen. "I'll bring you some soup." She knew that she had to tell him why their father hated him so, he was in his first year of middle school now and kids were cruel. 

She had a tray ready for Ryu and in the living room out of sight; before she made up a plate and called her Dad in from the garage. She heard a car pull up and the front door open, she quickly plated a second dish before going out to the living room. "Mom, I have supper on the table. Dad's already eating. I'm just going to take a plate to Ryu."

"Fine, I'm going out later anyway."

Saeko sighed and went straight Ryu's room. It was nothing more than a glorified closet, barely enough room for his futon; but he had made it his. He had just gotten involved in volleyball and was excited about joining a club. She was glad for a totally different reason. The more time he spent at club meant the less time he spent at home. He should be safe there.

"Hey Ryu, sit up bro and eat." She helped him sit up and set the tray on his lap.

Ryu took the soup, his sister always looked after him and protected him. He had learned at an early age that his father couldn't stand him and that his mother was indifferent. They weren't happy together but wouldn't get a divorce. It was as if they liked to make each other miserable and they just happened to drag their two children into the middle of it. Saeko got handed the verbal abuse, while he was the punching bag for either of them. "Saeko?" He hated how timid his voice was but he had her attention, "Dad really isn't my father is he?"

So he figured it out, she took a deep breath. Ryu may not be the smartest kid in his class but he wasn't stupid. "No, he's not. Mom had an affair and planned on pretending that you were Dad's but he found out when the guy came to the door. I don't know what happened or why but they agreed to keep you." She could see Ryu listening to to every word. "I don't think it was until you started elementary school that Dad started to resent you, of course it could also be because that was when Mom started up her affair again." She took the finished tray from Ryu and set it on the floor before tucking the blankets around him and lying down beside him. "Dad hates both of us, I think if he could he'd just leave."

"Why doesn't he?"

"Grandma." It was a simple answer but true. Their paternal Grandmother held the purse strings for the family money. Not that there was a lot of it but she loved both of them dearly and did what she could to protect them. "Dad is scared of her and she has let it be known that he won't inherit anything if he leaves the family." Secretly she always thought it would have been better if he had left and started fresh somewhere. Of course then he could fight that there would be no reason for Grandma to help or pay attention to them.

"Saeko, what am I going to do when you leave high school? You plan on going to college right?" Ryu looked on the verge of tears again. "I don't want to hold you back but I don't want to be here by myself either."

"We'll figure it out. For now let's get you better so you can go back to volleyball. You did so well at your last game." She didn't know much about volleyball, but the team at Karasuno was good and there were a number of kids in her class who played. She'd been asking them about the rules and terms just so she'd know what Ryu was talking about when he came home.

The next two years passed in a blur. Ryu was often at club or a team mates house practicing his skills, and Saeko did what she could to keep her marks up in school and protect her little brother as best as she could. It was usually the two of them against the world, although occasionally their Grandmother would side with them when she could. Saeko's high school graduation was a quiet affair. There was no big celebratory dinner, or party. Ryu had surprised her with a homemade supper without their parents. The biggest surprise came a week later. Saeko had been accepted into the local college and their Grandmother had taken her and Ryu out to a nearby tea house.

"I'm dying."

Both Tanaka children started. She was never one to sugar coat things but this was really blunt.

"Grandmother," Ryu reached across the table to take her hand.

"Ryuosuke, Saeko, I made so many mistakes in my life but the biggest one was with the two of you. I should have pulled you both out of that dreadful home and taken you in myself. Ryuosuke," she gave him a kind smile it saddened her to see the fading bruises on his cheek that her son had put there, "it doesn't matter if my son is not your father, you are my grandson and I love you. Saeko, you make me proud. You looked after your brother and the household and still kept your marks reasonable. I have secured an apartment not far from here. It's not large, but will have enough space for the two of you. Saeko will be within walking distance of college and Ryuosuke you will need to bike to school. If you go to Karasuno High like your sister it's a little closer yet." She drank her tea and looked at her only grandchildren. They reminded her of her late husband. The man was loud and out spoken, often saying what was on his mind before thinking; but he was always kind and protective of his friends and family. "I'm only telling you two and I want you to keep it a secret. Saeko," she reached for her granddaughter's hand and squeezed it tight. "I have set up a housing account, the majority of my money has gone in there already, it will pay for the mortgage and insurance on the apartment and some of your tuition. You will still need to get a job to pay the everyday bills. Ryuosuke, if your sister is agreeable to it, I would suggest that you move in with her and help out however you can. The money won't last forever and you'll need to manage it carefully but it should cover things for the next five years if I planned things right. My lawyer knows what I expect and he's to work with you."

"But Dad will," Ryu didn't finish, he didn't know how. His father was going to be really pissed when he found out that Grandmother had left the majority of her money to Saeko, and that meant he'd take it out on him. The beatings had gotten fewer but more intense. Ryu was glad his vice captain had become such a good friend, as had the school maintenance man. He had spent many nights in the school club room, no questions asked.

"Don't you worry about your father. I know legally you will need to stay with them to keep up your medical and for the school, but I will make sure he understands. Just I want you two to understand that you need to stick together. I will do my best to protect you as long as I can while I'm still alive, but you will need to continue to rely on each other."

"It's ok Grandmother," Saeko smiled at the older woman, she had just been given all the tools she needed to succeed and keep Ryu safe as well. "We'll be fine and make you proud."


	2. A glimmer of hope before the crash of reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mention of sexual abuse and while it is not overly graphic it is specific. Please be aware.

Grandmother managed to live just long enough to see Ryuosuke get into Karasuno high school. She had alway come to his volleyball games and was one of his biggest supporters, encouraging him to continue with the sport he loved so much. Ryu's last year of middle school was complete hell at home. His father knew that grandmother had something up her sleeve and had threatened the teen that if he didn't keep quiet Saeko would suffer as well. It was after his finals, before golden week, when both parents willingly signed over all rights to Saeko just before grandmother died. Of course their father tried to claw them back when he found out all of her money was going to the two of them. 

Saeko would forever curse herself for the day Ryu had gone to the house to clear out the last of their stuff. They had both figured that their parents were out. Now that the two of them had moved away Mom had more or less moved in with her new boyfriend and Dad just went to work and came home and drank. When supper came and went and Ryu still hadn't made it back to the apartment Saeko had started to worry. She knew what a bastard their father could be towards Ryu given the chance. Panicking she drove the distance to their old home. The house held nothing but bitter memories. Pulling up to the front door, she rushed inside but skidded to a stop when she saw the destruction and her father passed out in a chair, his knuckles and clothes covered in blood. 

"Ryu, where is Ryu?" Muttering to herself Saeko searched the rooms looking for her brother. A groan from the closet in her old bedroom had her stopping and opening the door. "Oh god Ryu, what did he do to you?" His clothes were torn and he was bloody, he was hiding behind his hair, as if that would provide some sort of protection. She could see the bruises already forming on his ribs and back. His arm was cradled to his chest, his left eye already swelling shut. "Ryu, we need to get you out of here." He groaned but tried to stand. "Come on, I have the van out front let's go." Saeko pushed her shoulder under his arm and helped him stand, ignoring the fact that he was mostly naked, the clothes he had on were remnants from her closet. She'd never been happier for the fact that she hauled freight for a part time job and wasn't some frail simpering woman. Helping him lie down in the backseat of her van, she rushed back inside for the three boxes of things that Ryu had come here for. Moving his bike and the pull cart to a neighboring yard, she rushed back towards the van. After this they were never coming back. On the way home she kept glancing in the mirror, just how badly was he hurt. Should she take him to the hospital? How would they explain it? She racked her brain trying to think of a solution. A flash of dual colored hair on the street reminded her of one of Ryu's new friend. Nisha something. Hadn't Ryu said that Nisha whatever's one parent was a doctor? She pulled off to the side of the road and reached for Ryu's cell phone. Sure enough there was the contact. Nishinoya. Holding her breath she dialed

"Ryu, man how's it hanging?"

"Umm, hello, this Ryu's sister Saeko."

"Oh. Sorry. I just." The voice on the other end faltered.

"No, it's ok, I'm calling from Ryu's phone so it's natural you'd assume it'd be him. Listen I have a strange question. I thought I remembered Ryu saying that one of your parents is in the medical field is that correct?"

Again there was a silence on the other end, the tense kind, "Yeah, my mom's a doctor. Why?"

Saeko breathed a prayer of relief over the line. "Ryu's been hurt and I'm not sure if I should take him to the hospital or not."

"Bring him here." The voice interrupted her.

Saeko could here him moving around through the phone, calling for someone else and talking in the background.

"Hello, Saeko is it?" This voice was different, older. He must have passed the phone to his mother. "Yu tells me that his friend is hurt, I'll text you the address just bring him by. We have a small clinic attached to the house and I'll look at him there."

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, I'll be right there." Saeko put her head against the steering wheel and let the tears come. The beep of an incoming text startled her enough to have her let out a yelp. Looking at the directions she was glad to see that the clinic was close by. She had her emotion under control by the time she pulled up to the doors. A woman in a white smock and short teen with dual colored hair were standing out front. The woman opened the side door, blocking the view from her son.

"Yu, go get your father now." Her voice was firm and her hands steady as she prodded at Ryu. The teen took off running; yelling as he went.

A man in a dark long sleeve shirt and jeans came out. He exuded a calm that Saeko didn't know existed. A quick ruffle of his son's hair, a hand on his wife's back, and a wink to her. "How can I help honey?"

"Saeko, can you go inside with Yu, and get the forms started. Isshin and I will take your brother inside and get started. What's his name?"

"Ryu. Ryuosuke." She missed the shocked look that passed over both adults faces, as they became increasingly aware of the injuries the young teen had.

Yu came around to the drivers door and helped Saeko out, "Come on, Mom's the best. Let's go inside. Does Ryu have any allergies?"

Anko waited until her son had gone inside, "Isshin, you're going to need to be careful were you grab him to pick him up. Ryu, I know you're awake." carefully she brushed the hair away from his eyes. Seeing them full of pain was hard. "Yu isn't here and I won't let him see you right now. More for your pride then anything else. You remember, Yu's Dad Isshin, he's going to pick you up and carry you into the clinic where I can stitch you up ok?"

Ryu just nodded. The tears flowing down his face. He didn't want his sister or his best friend to see what he'd allow to happen to him. As it was he wasn't sure how he was ever going to face Dr. Nishonoya ever again after she figure out what happened. He let his mind float as he was moved from the van to the clinic. He felt himself be moved as cuts were cleaned and his torn clothes removed to be replaced by a gown. He heard her talking to him the whole time. It wasn't until he felt someone run their hands through his long hair that he came back to himself, he panicked. 

"No. Don't. Please, no more." His broken pleas tugged at their hearts

Isshin knelt down so that he was face to face with Ryu. The fact that his son's friend knew this kind of pain, this kind of fear, hurt him. "Sssh Ryu, you're ok, you're safe. We need to make sure that you're not hurt that's all son, that's all. I promise." He wiped the tears from the teen's face, occasionally meeting his wife's eyes. He saw the same pain there and knew that this boy had been beaten and raped; most likely by someone he trusted, and from the look on his wife's face, it wasn't pretty.

"Ryu," Anko had a syringe ready, "I'm going to give you a pain killer and a mild sedative. You're safe here alright, I need you to stay on your stomach for now. Isshin will stay right there. I need you to relax alright. You know that whoever did this shoved something deep inside you right." She watched as the teen nodded but wouldn't meet her eyes. "I need to get it out, before it does any damage. Can you tell me what it was? Do you know?"

"A screw driver from his garage." The words were muffled.

"Alright, I'm going to insert my fingers to try and pull it out, they'll be more comfortable then forceps. After that, I'll give you a tetanus shot, some antibiotics and an enema to help limit the chance of infection." She rubbed circles on his upper back, because there were cut marks on his lower back and butt cheeks. Someone had carved into him. They weren't deep enough to need stitches but there was still a chance that they'd scar.

It took another hour for her to be fully satisfied that Ryuosuke was patched to the best of her ability. He had fallen asleep and they had left him there. Isshin had gone into the house to make some soup and tea, taking Yu with him. He was the best one to calm down their son. She had to deal with Ryu's sister.

Anko poured two glasses of water and walked out to the waiting area. Saeko was on the phone, asking someone to get her notes for the next couple of days. She made her excuses and hung up as soon as she realized she wasn't alone.

"Dr. Nishinoya? How is he?"

"Saeko, why didn't you take him directly to the hospital?" She handed the younger woman a glass of water and took a seat. She watched as the blonde's face fell.

"Part of it is the deal with the insurance and money and the rest is who I think hurt him." Her knuckles turned white under the pressure. Had she caused Ryu more pain by waiting and not going straight to the hospital?

"So you know, or at least suspect who hurt him?"

"Our father, he's always hated Ryu." Saeko stared into her glass, the truth was embarrassing, but if it could end up helping Ryu; well that was more important. "He's not Ryu's biological father. He found out when Ryu was eight or nine and the guy came around to talk to my mom. Ryu is the spitting image of him and Dad lost it. That was the first time he hit Ryu. Most of the time he kept out of sight or I protected him. Our paternal grandmother didn't care. She loved us both and when she died, she left her money to us. It was the last straw. Ryu went back today to get the last of our belongings. When he didn't return in time for supper I went looking for him. I found Dad passed out in the living room surrounded by destroyed furniture and Ryu bleeding in the closet. He was hiding."

"It's alright. You did the right thing bringing him here. Obviously he's been beaten. He has bruised ribs, a sprained wrist, a mild concussion, not to mention someone had craved up his back. I'm not sure if they were trying to carve a message, inflict pain or flay him alive. It also looks like he was sexually assaulted. I've run tests against disease and he'll be on antibiotics for a while. I'd like to keep him here so I can watch him for the next couple of days." She rubbed her hands over her face. She'd never get used to parents abusing their children and getting away with it. She knew why the sister did what she did and couldn't fault her for it. Sometime the best protection is right on the front line. "If I understand, Ryu lives with you now, correct." Saeko nodded, "Are you safe from your father? Is your apartment secure?"

Saeko's head snapped up at that, she never once thought of herself being in danger. Thinking about the apartment her grandmother had chosen for her, maybe the old woman had the same concerns. "My apartment has a security gate and doorman." She looked up as the door between the clinic and the house opened and Mr. Nishinoya walked in with a tray of food. "Dad never beat me the way he did Ryu, but then I got the verbal abuse. I don't know which was better."

"Saeko, why don't you go inside with Anko. I have soup and tea ready. You can have a shower and stay here tonight in the spare room. I'll stay down here with Ryu."

"Actually, would it be alright if I came back down here to stay with him. I know he'd feel more comfortable with someone he trusts." She trailed off as she realized just what it was she had said.

The pair of them laughed, "Don't worry about it, I understand what you mean. Ryu doesn't know us well and he trusts you." The smile across Mr Nishinoya's face assured her that he didn't take offense to her comment. "Still, go upstairs, eat, shower, change. I'll make sure that he's not alone until you come back."

It was hours later that her brother woke. "Saeko," Ryu's voice was quick in the darkened clinic. "I need you to shave my hair. Get rid of it."

"Ryu?" His hair was shoulder length. It was thick and straight and a beautiful blue black. "Are you sure?"

"He used my hair to throw me around, I need it gone." There were tears in his eyes, he had been proud of his hair.

Saeko smiled, trying her best to put on a brave face, "well you do have a handsomely shaped skull. I'm sure the new look will suit you just fine."

The next couple of days had Ryu staying with the Nishinoya's and Saeko visiting often. Yu brought his homework and while the volleyball captain didn't visit a couple of second year called to wish him well. Under the advice of his father, Yu spread the rumor that Ryu had been in a car accident. It explained his injuries the best while not revealing anything else. Mr. Nishinoya went with Saeko to the school to change Ryu emergency contact information adding the Nishinoya family on as a secondary contact and making sure that their father was removed altogether. Yu visited regularly. There were only three other school mates to come and visit. All of them were members of the volleyball club and no one said a word about his new hair style.

It was five days before Dr. Nishinoya let him leave their clinic and a week before he could sit long enough to go back to school. Ennoshita, another first year, came over to the Tanaka apartment almost every night to help him get caught up in class. He never had been the brightest student, but Ennoshita was an amazing teacher. The other two were second years from the volleyball club, Koshi Sugawara, who everyone called Suga; and Diachi Sawamura. Ryu respected both men. He went to meet Coach Ukai. The man was scary, but a damn good coach. He had taken one look at Ryu and scoffed when he said that he'd been in a car accident.

"I don't need to know the reason. I assume you've been seen by a doctor and it's by doctor's orders that you're not practicing. All I say is that you better be ready to start to work when you get back. Start with what you can now, and I'll be pushing you when you get back."


	3. A healing balm?!

As the months went by and his life slowly went back to normal; Ryu started to relax. He went to school, volleyball club, and the counselor Saeko had found him. Volleyball became his salvation. Most of his teammates were guys he enjoyed spending time with and they allowed him to be himself. Slowly that spread to the classroom and home. Originally his over the top attitude and exuberance was a way to hide the pain, to pretend to be normal; it didn't take long until it became a part of him, a natural part. Along with it a deep sense of fair play and honesty. The third years weren't overly fond of his excitable attitude but Diachi and Suga encouraged him. 

He figured that he bumped along well enough with Saeko. Their apartment was never going to be in any trendy magazines, but it was comfy. They had enough to eat and the bills were paid. Ryu enjoyed coming home after practice to see Saeko either doing her homework or getting ready for her part time job as a delivery driver. She didn't date much, but the couple of times she brought someone home, she'd always asked that he be there saying, 'If the guy I'm seeing doesn't like my little brother, then he's not worth my time.' It happened to be one of Saeko's dates that awoke something in him that scared him. 

Ryu had always admired Shimizu the club manager, she was a second year beauty, quiet, kind, knew her job and the team. There was another girl in his class that he thought was pretty, but when the rest of his friends were going on about breast size and how they'd like kiss a girl; he didn't understand what the fuss was about. It might be interesting just because their bodies were different, but if he were honest with himself he wanted to feel the difference in Asahi's sculpted chest, Diachi's thighs, and Suga's firm ass. He really wanted to feel Suga's ass. Volleyball practice was a study in frustration because Suga was often in front of him, and watching the guy jump, receive and set excited him to no end. 

"Hey Ryu, what ya doing this weekend?" Noya pulled his practice jersey over his head and flung it into his bag. Friday practices were the longest and coach often had them end with a lot of running and conditioning drills.

"Nothing, Saeko is going out of town for the weekend with a couple of friend to celebrate her quitting her job. She finally had enough of her boss taking advantage of her and quit. Why?"

"I was going to ask you to come over, but I how about I go to your place instead?"

"Works for me." Ryu changed and watched as everyone filed out. Maybe he could talk to Noya when he came over.

"Ryu, come on." Noya's voice called out from below.

He rushed down the stairs and met up with his friends. The pair stopped at the Hill Bottom store with the rest of the team to pick up a couple of ice pops before heading to the Tanaka apartment.

Ryu opened the fridge and rooted around. "There is a mix of left overs for supper, that ok?"

"Sure."

Ryu pulled the different containers and Noya was right there, pulling out plates and cutlery. "Why don't we just dish out what we want from here, save on dishes later."

Yu grabbed a fry pan and passed it to Ryu, watching as he threw odds and ends in the pan to create something new. Yu loved to eat at the Tanaka house, both Saeko and Ryu were excellent cooks.

"Noya?" The libero was sitting on the couch, game controller in hand. Supper was done and cleaned up and homework finished, sort of. The video game battle had been raging for the last hour.

"Umm."

"You got a crush on anyone?" Ryu wasn't sure how to talk about what he really wanted to talk about, this might let him work up to it.

"Well, Shimizu is super cute," Yu didn't even look up from his rampage across the screen. The scream of a character dying a gruesome death and his curses had him flopping back onto the couch and looking up at his friend. He watched as his best friend seemed a little defeated and came to an instant decision. Yeah, he could be honest with this guy, "of course Asahi Azumane is pretty hot too."

Ryu met his best friends eyes, "You like guys?" He tried to hide the shock and relief, but Noya was looking for it.

"I like both," his smile was wide and infectious, "of course I haven't approached a guy yet, and Shimizu keeps turning me down. What about you?"

"Suga." His face turned red, but he didn't shy away. "I was thinking of asking him out, but I don't know which way he swings and then there the third years."

"Yeah they're kind of scary aren't they." Yu gave a shudder, "We both know they don't like thing that are different."

"Well," he took a deep breath, "that sure as hell makes us sitting targets doesn't it?"

Ryu didn't even realize that Yu had lumped the two of them together as being gay. He had more or less admitted it when he acknowledged his attraction to Suga, but still...."Well, I'm sure that with the two of us we can keep ourselves if not hidden then under the radar. I'd be worried for Suga if it wasn't for the fact that I know Daichi will protect him. What about Asahi? I know he looks tough, but the guy has the softest heart there is."

"He'll be fine, Diachi and Suga are two of his best friends, I'm sure the three of them will be protecting each other to the best of their abilities." Yu watched the way his friend tried to get control over his ragged breathing and blushing. "So was coming out to me, what had you so scared?"

"Yeah," Ryu stared at a small photo situated on the top shelf over the television. Him, Saeko and his grandmother on his acceptance to Karusuno. It was pushed to the back, where it wasn't readily visible. He so didn't want to disappoint Saeko or his grandmother's memory. "I'm...I'm scared Yu. "

Yu had never seen his best friend so indecisive. Ryu was normally outspoken, loud, excitable. The guy in front of him was timid, quiet and looked like his dog just died; it reminded him of the way Ryu was when he first met him at the beginning of the school year, right after he'd been attacked. "Scared of what? I swing both ways, so there's no way I'm going to rag on you. My folks are cool with me, so they'll be cool with you. Saeko is THE most awesome sister alive, so you know she'll be fine with you being gay. Just be yourself Ryu, that's all there is to it." He leaned over and bumped shoulders, knocking the game controller to the floor.

Ryu leaned over to pick it up, still not sure just how to explain what he was scared of, when Yu pushed him right off the couch and on to the floor. The game forgotten as the two wrestled on the floor. When Ryu hit the TV for the third time the pair called a time out. Leaning against the couch with his legs stretched out Ryu looked over at his best friend. "I guess it's more that I"m not sure what to do if Suga actually agreed to go out with me."

"You mean dating or sex?"

"Both I guess."

Yu cuffed him across the back of the head, "Ryu, you moron. I would say that dating a guy should be the same as dating a girl. I mean paying for things would be up to the two of you, but things like respect and kindness, honesty and communication are important with both genders. As for sex, we can do some research. On top of that, Suga's bound to have some ideas of his own."

The knock on the door surprised them. "Who the hell?" Yu's head shot up and over the sofa to look down the hall.

"Well the door's not going to open itself." Ryu muttered as he pulled himself up and toward the door. He opened the door to ask, "What the hell do you guys want?"

Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita walked in with book bags in hand. "Well, knowing you two the way I do, I knew that neither of you would be prepping for the exams we have next week." Ennoshita ignored the way the two of the went deathly pale and headed straight for the table in the living room, shutting off the game as he went and pulling out text books. "I also know that the third years are waiting for you both the fail so they can replace you. I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen."

"It's study time guys." Narita grinned.

Saeko came home early Sunday, to see Ennoshita running a study group out their apartment and Ryu actually asking questions. She slipped into the kitchen and made something for the five teens and herself.

"Thanks nii-chan for letting everyone stay." The guys had gone home, he'd have to remember to thank Ennoshita tomorrow. Ryu piled the last of the dishes in the sink where Saeko was washing them. "How was your trip?"

"Good," she looked Ryu in the eyes, "now are you going to talk about what's really been bugging you the last couple of days?"

Ryu hoisted himself onto the counter and watched as his sister finished cleaning up. Taking a deep breathe, "I'm gay."

Saeko looked across the kitchen, "and?"

"You don't have a problem with it?"

"Ryuosuke, you are my brother, my family and I love you. I will NEVER turn my back on you." She walked across the room and pulled him into her arms. Resting her forehead against his, "Is there anything else that you're worried about?" She looked into his eyes and continued, "or are you also worried about what our father did to you? The therapist talked about the possibilities of flashbacks during sex."

He shrugged and looked down.

"Ryu, that man was a bastard and he took advantage us and abused you. What he did neither made you gay nor has any bearing on the man you are and continue to grow into." She rubbed his shaved head. "Now for a more important question. Are you seeing anyone? Or a crush?"

Ryu couldn't take anymore, he broke into laughter. Yu was right, he had nothing to worry about after all. 

 


	4. A decision taken out of his hands.....maybe

Ryu passed his midterms and finals for first semester. Volleyball was the one constant at school that kept him sane. Every month the first years got together for a weekend. Ennoshita made sure that studying was done so they could all continue to play together. It drew them closer together. Ryu never knew when it started, or who invited them, but soon the second years joined their little study group, some of the third years showed occasionally, especially when they held the study group on campus. 

They were all in the club room after practice, "Hey, Tanaka! When are you going to put that shy first year in your class out of her misery and ask her out?"

Ryu looked over at his Vice-Captain. "Huh?" His face was a study in panic, he didn't know what to say.

Daichi came to his rescue, "there's no way that shy first year has a crush on Tanaka. He's too brash for her. If anything, I'd say it was Narita the girl has a crush on."

"Well of course it's me," Narita piped up, "after all the lady has taste."

Everyone laughed, but the comments had done their job. It had taken the Vice-Captain's attention off of Ryu, at least for the moment. Daichi made a mental note to talk to Ryu tonight on the way home. He gave a quick glance over at his best friend and the direction that Suga was looking. Yep. He was definitely talking to Ryu and Suga tonight. Other wise the pair of them would take forever before they got together. 

It actually took a lot of fanagaling to get Tanaka alone on the walk home. It came down to Daichi out right asking the guy to follow him.

"Tanaka, I need to talk to you alright?"

The wing spiker looked at the senior and followed, shrugging his shoulders in Noya's direction. "I'll call you later." He didn't look back as he followed Daichi pass the Hill Bottom store and around the corner towards the Sawamura home. He'd been there before; Daichi had invited most everyone from the team over for a BBQ for Suga's birthday. 

Daichi lead the first year down the hall to his room. "Listen, I need to talk to you about Suga." The second year tried his best to make sure that Ryu was comfortable. "He's my best friend. The best type; one who's patient with my mistakes, pushes me to do my best, supports my decisions, and isn't afraid to call me on my bullshit. However, he's also shy, afraid of letting others down, scared of making mistakes, and insecure about himself and his appeal to others. That's why I want to know how you feel about him. Are you attracted to him or do you think of him as a friend? Are you looking for a quick lay or a relationship?"

Tanaka was shaking. There was still a chance that Daichi was going to beat the crap out of him if he gave the wrong answer. How did he convince him that he wasn't even sure what it was that he wanted. "I. Nothing will. Man this is hard." He rubbed the back of his head, unsure and insecure in his emotions. "I think that Suga is kind and caring and handsome and I envy the closeness you share. I want a relationship, but it's not just me. Suga has a say and I should be talking to him about this not you."

"You're right, I guess I'm trying to protect my friend." Daichi looked at the rough first year. He'd heard some rumors about his past, but hadn't dug any deeper. He knew that Tanaka was close to Noya and while not the brightest kid in the club, he had gone to Ennoshita for help on his school work. It showed that he cared about his grades and was not above asking for help when he needed it. "Just so you know, you'll have to ask Suga out."

"So you think I have a chance if I do?"

Daichi just nodded. Tanaka relaxed a little and let out a deep sigh. The two spent the next hour talking about different drills and practices that they could work on to help the team get better. They both knew that at the end of the second semester if they hadn't made it through to the Inter High that the third years would most likely retire in order to focus on their class work. It also meant that with Daichi, as the Second year most likely to take over as captain, he'd need all the support he could get from the under class men.

Tanaka watched as Daichi wrote down their ideas in a notebook. 

"Daichi, is your friend staying for supper?" The call from down the hall alerted both to the time.

Tanaka just shook his head at the question on Daichi's face, "I need to get back tonight." Saeko had a new temporary job, but this one required her to work night shift at the corner connivence store and that made Tanaka nervous.

Daichi just nodded and walked him to the door. "Give me your phone." Tanaka raised an eyebrow but handed the device over. Daichi's fingers flew over the keys for a couple of seconds before handing the device back. "I added my contact information as well as Suga's. Call him tonight."

Ryu had a lot to think about. Instead of going home, Ryu headed straight to Saeko's place of work. He was distracted as he walked into the store.

"Ryu, how was practice?" Saeko still didn't understand much about the game, but she tried if for no other reason then because he loved it.

A quick glance inside the store, showed a couple of teens buying drinks and an older man buying ice cream and diapers. Ryu moved over to the counter and sat his bag down just out of sight as he leaned against the back wall while Saeko rang up the teens. "Practice was great. Daichi was showing us some cool moves. Of course the third years are all pissed because I'm learning how to do some awesome spikes."

"Well, you just keep practicing and don't let those bastards stop you." Saeko rang through another sale and watched her brother play with his phone. She knew he still had limited contacts on there. He was still so cautious, "what's up otherwise? You look distracted."

"Umm, Daichi told me to call Suga and ask him out." Ryu looked down at his feet, he was so nervous. He knew Saeko was okay with him being gay, but how would she react to him actually dating someone. Of course that all depended on him being able to actually dial the phone and talk to the guy.

"Call him, Ryu, just call him and talk. Maybe ask him out to the movies or something," she looked around the store, it was dead like it was most nights. She'd be lucky if anyone else came in tonight. "Go back home, Ryu and call him."

Ryu still didn't like the idea of Saeko being here alone. "How about we compromise, and I'll go outside and call. But I'm not leaving you alone. I don't like you working this job."

She smiled and punched him in the shoulder, "go."

Ryu stepped outside and opened his phone. Should he text or call? Better call, Daichi had told him to call, so call he would. Checking the time, he figured Suga would still be awake. He quickly hit the dial button before he could chicken out. He tried to remember to breathe as the phone rang on the other end.

"Hello?" The tentative answer only went to remind the first year that Suga, didn't necessarily have his number.

"Hey Suga, it's Tanaka. I'm not calling too late am I?"

"NO! I'm glad you called. Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Not really, I just," Ryu could feel himself blush, "I just wanted to talk to you. Daichi gave me your number, I hope you don't mind," His voice had quieted down to an almost whispers. 

"Tanaka, you can call or text me whenever you want. So what are you doing right now?"

"Just standing outside the corner store," Ryu watched as two more customer walked in, Saeko seemed to be doing alright, but he was still nervous.

Suga bolted upright in his bed, "Why the hell are you hanging out on the street?" Was Tanaka in some kind of trouble?

"Just waiting for Saeko to get off shift. I don't like her working here or being out so late." He felt himself blush, even though the senior couldn't see him.

"Saeko?" Did his crush finally call him only to already be dating someone? Suga was unsure if he really wanted to hear the answer.

"My sister. It's just the two of us," Ryu looked around, it felt like someone was watching him, but he couldn't see anyone. Looking in the store window he watched as Saeko made another pot of coffee for the dispenser and straighten up the shelves. There was no one in the store or on the street that he could see, so why did it feel like he was being watched?

Suga let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Such the dutiful brother." He tried to make sure that he voice reflected only the respect he felt. The last thing he wanted was for Tanaka to think he was being laughed at. "What's her shift tonight?" If Tanaka stayed up most of the night so he could watch out for his sister, that meant that he wasn't getting enough sleep and school work and volleyball would be what suffered. The third years wouldn't be understanding. For some reason they really didn't like Tanaka.

Ryu looked at his watch, Saeko only had another two hours, "not much longer," he watched as a group of drunks walked down the street, his luck wasn't going to hold, they were going to go inside and harass Saeko, he just knew it. "Listen Suga, I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow at practice."

"Alright, stay safe and get some sleep." Suga looked at his phone and smiled. Noting the time he knew his best friend was still awake and would most likely be waiting for his call. Of course he first created new contact for Tanaka. 'I wonder if he'd allow me to call him Ryu?' He smiled to himself as he attached a photo to the contact. He hit speed dial and waited for the other to pick up.

"Well, how was the phone call?" Greetings were forgotten as Daichi leaned back in his desk chair, his laptop open and a Japanese Literature assignment partially finished. Talking to Koshi was a hell of a lot more interesting then doing the book report that was due later that week.

"You gave him a push didn't you?"

Daichi knew that this was the one area that could be a bit dicey. Suga was shy about the oddest things and Daichi hoped that by giving Tanaka a solid hint wouldn't destroy the friendship. "Yeeeaah," he dragged the word out, "you mad?" Might as well find out sooner rather than later if he had to suck up.

"No, not mad just..." Suga knew that Daichi had the best of intentions. Daichi had been the first one that he had come out to, the one who had accepted him without question and had listened as he waxed poetic over different classmates. 

"Suga, it's not like I forced his interest. I told you that he watches you, more than anyone else. Plus Asashi overheard him and Noya talking about you. He likes you and was just nervous about approaching you." Daichi listened as Suga sighed on the other end. "All I told him was that he'd have to ask you out." He crossed his fingers and hoped.

"And you likely warned him about hurting me or some such BS right?"

"Shit," the curse was muttered but heard on the other end.

Suga laughed, "I love you, but you are so predictable." He sighed, "alright, so you gave him my number and told him to call. I guess we'll take it from here, and you can focus on asking Yuu out."

"Shut up," Daichi could feel himself blushing, "I'll see you tomorrow and grill you about what you talked to your crush about."

"Bastard," Suga smiled as he hung up.


	5. Can it really be this easy?

Ryu dreaded going to school, he knew the third years were going to give him shit and after the week he'd had he just didn't think he could take it without snapping. He studied for the wrong test in math and failed miserably, Saeko's last couple of shifts had ended up being doubles as her co-worker had failed to show up and the owner hadn't answered his phone and he had stayed with her as the drunks flowed in after the bar closed. He listened to them proposition her and make a mess of the store. He scrubbed his hand across his face. He knew that Saeko was looking for other work, but still she'd have to keep this one for the mean time. The only bright spot was the texts and phone calls from Suga. They really hadn't progressed that far, but still liked being able to talk to the second year talk about anything.

Walking out of his room, he saw Saeko at the table, pouring over the newspaper with a cup of coffee at hand. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind and rested his chin on her right shoulder. Her hands reached up to hold him to her, "Ryu? You alright?"

"Not sure," he took in the scent of her skin and felt himself relax. The smell of the lemon soap and coconut shampoo she favored and the sweet coffee she liked to drink. She was home. "I just feel off today, not sure why just like..."

"You're waiting for the other shoe to drop?" She felt him nod against her shoulder. Her baby brother who had been through so much and tried so hard to make sure that he was strong for her. "I've thrown in an application at the cafeteria down the street, they're looking for someone who can do cooking as well as prep and waitressing work."

"Well no one cooks better than you," Ryu knew that she would love that as a job instead of the one she had now. Saeko was nothing if not a care taker at heart. "All they have to do is taste your Miso Soup and you'll have the job."

"Thanks for the support." She fave his arms a quick squeeze, "I'm not going to quit this one until I have something else. I did, however, get a hold of the owner and told him that I won't be taking anymore night shifts. I only have today and tomorrow left before he switches me to the 2-8pm shift. It still fits around my school schedule." It would be safer for her with the added benefit of making sure the Ryu would be getting the sleep he needed.

Ryu backed off and went into the kitchen to get something for breakfast, he smiled when he saw the two bento boxes already made and packed on the counter. "Saeko, you rock."

Her laugh was loud and boisterous, "of course, I'm perfect." She watched as he carefully packed both his school bag and volleyball stuff for practice. "Ryu, things will work out, we'll be okay, just remember that you have me and all of your friends at your back if you need it."

"Club is going to be late today," Ryu pulled on his shoes and Karasuno jacket, "please text me when you get to work. I'll try to be there before you're off."

"Don't worry about me, just do your best today and have fun with your friends."

Ryu left with a smile on his face that pretty much dropped in to one of complete exhaustion as soon as the door was closed behind him. The last thing he wanted was for Saeko to be overly worried about him. 

Noya watched his best friend walk towards him. He looked tired, almost defeated and that had the libero worried.

"Ryu man. What's up?" He seemed so off that Noya scanned the face in front of him to see if he could spot what was bugging his friend.

"Let's just get to school," he didn't want to be there right now. 

Once behind the school gates, and hidden from the street, Noya grabbed his friends arm and made him stop. "Seriously Ryu what's going on? You look like shit."

"It's been a really crappy couple of days and I just feel off ya know?" He stared at his feet.

Noya nudged at Ryu until he looked up. "Relax man."

"Maybe I'm just going crazy."

"Ryu," He bumped into his friend again. "You know you're going to need to shave your head again soon if you want to keep it that short." He ran his hand over Tanaka's head, just before he flicked his friend on the ear.

"Hey! Let's just get to the club room and get ready for practice, okay?"

"You just want a chance to ogle Suga don't you?"

Tanaka blushed and chased after Noya. 

Volleyball Club was the only place Ryu felt he could relax. Sure some of the third years were homophobic assholes but that only really included the captain and vice captain, the other three were fine to talk to, at least when they weren't around the captain and vice captain. The rest of the team treated each other as family. School on the other hand, well he wasn't much of a scholar. If it wasn't for Ennoshita and Narita he wasn't sure he passed his classes. He sat beside Narita as the teacher droned on about history. School couldn't end fast enough, he just wanted to get back spiking the volleyball and helping Noya become the best libero ever.

"Tanaka, come on I'll toss to you." Suga tossed the ball in the air and caught it again and again.

"Ready when you are." He ran back and waited for the signal. Suga set up a toss and he ran towards the net, right arm back and jumping high. He swung and felt the ball connect as it flew towards the middle of the court on the other side of the net. As he continued to spike and receive he could feel all the tension leave him. Volleyball rocked. Clean up went fairly quickly and the third years left as soon as the club room door was locked. 

"Once I'm Captain, I'm going to make sure I treat my kohai better. None of this bullshit that we've put up with." Daichi stormed off down the road, muttering all the way. The other first and second years smirked as they listened to Daichi complain.

Suga pulled on Tanaka's arm to hold him back a bit and let the others round the corner ahead of them. "I'm glad that tomorrow is the start of school break. Let Daichi rant, he's harmless. It's when he gets real quiet that we need to worry." Suga slid his hand down Tanaka's arm until he was able to hold his hand. "Is this okay? I know you're worried about the third years, but it's just our group and they're okay with us, well if there is..." He trailed off. He was taking a hell of a jump assuming that Tanaka was willing to do things like this.

Ryu had stopped breathing as soon as Suga grabbed his hand, Ennoshita gave a quick nod and kept Noya ahead with Asashi and unaware. Ennoshita's approval went a long way to bolstering Ryu's courage. Taking a chance he used their joined hands and pulled Suga down a side street. It wasn't that he wanted to ditch their friends, but he wanted some time alone with the cute silver haired setter.

"Suga, I don't mind you holding my hand, in fact I hope to be able to do it more often." He turned towards the senior, still holding his hand and reached down to take hold of the other one. "I like to date you if your agreeable." Man did he sound overly formal and feel like a moron. Would Suga think he was a complete idiot? 

"I'd like that," he leaned in a little closer and rested his forehead against Tanaka's. "Can I call you Ryu?"

Tanaka nodded

Suga smiled, "alright and you can call me Koshi. I guess we should get going."

The pair headed back to the main road still holding hands. Their friends were far ahead and the silence was comfortable. When the road diverged, they stopped. While Tanaka thought of giving Suga a kiss, he knew neither of them were ready for that just yet.

"Koshi, do you want to meet for lunch tomorrow?" the wing spiker was surprisingly quiet and shy, more like Asashi.

"I'd enjoy that, call me?" Suga's smile reflected the twinkle in his eyes.

Tanaka gave the hand in his a gentle squeeze and nodded, "okay." He watched as Koshi, man he really got to call him Koshi? He watched as his silver haired boyfriend turned right and head home. Once he was out of sight, Tanaka let out a whoop and a jump to make Noya proud. 

Tanaka would have been extremely embarrassed to know that he'd been heard by his new boyfriend. Suga smiled and tucked it away like a secret he would pull out later.


	6. A Date?

Their week off proved to be an adventure for the pair. The first day, they met for a picnic lunch and just sat on the river bank by the school for hours. The second day, they met up to go to a movie. The third, they walked around the mall. Each night they texted and talked for hours. Ryu couldn't believe how happy he was, he totally forgot about the feeling of being watched. Suga was willing to listen to him ramble on about everything. Today Suga was coming over and they were going to watch some of his favorite movies. Saeko was gone again off to help one of her friends move up to Tokyo. He went down to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients for lunch he was planning on making a seafood stir fry. He selected different vegetables, some seafood and pork for later. He was on his way up the stairs to his apartment when he heard his name being called.

"Tanaka!" 

The wing spiker turned around and watched as Suga bounded up the stairs. He was wearing jeans and light blue t-shirt that hugged his lithe frame, "Hey, you're early." Ryu waved to the security guard, who gave him a quick salute before heading back to his post at the entrance to the apartment compound.

"Is that a problem?" Suga slowed down. He was so excited to spend some time with Ryu, where he wasn't confined by societies pressures that he didn't think about the time and left as soon as he was ready that morning.

"No, I was just grabbing some groceries for lunch." A sudden thought popped in his head, "you don't have allergies do you?" Shit that would be the worst, have him cook up a meal that Suga couldn't eat. 

"No, I'm good. I'm not crazy about asparagus, but other than that.." He trailed off. Following Ryu inside the apartment. 

"I'll give you the ten cent tour." The apartment was clean and fairly average looking. Right inside the door to one side was a small bench, opposite was a closet where Ryu hung up Suga's jacket. Just beyond to the left was the kitchen. It was a small 'L' shape but it was neat and tidy. "This is the kitchen," Ryu grinned at the obvious statement as he quickly put the groceries away. There was a small table with three chairs that separated the kitchen from the living room. There was a couch facing a tv with a gaming system underneath, a stack of floor pillows were beside the tv on one side and the fourth kitchen chair on the other. A small balcony was off to the left. "This is the living room," Ryu laughed as Suga punched him in the shoulder; leading his senior down a short hallway to the right. The first door he opened on the left was the bathroom, it was a fair size with a separate shower and bath. The walls a dull beige but the towels were in bright reds and blues. Ryu pointed to the door further down the hall also to the left, "that's Saeko's room." Turning to the door just a little further down and on the right,he opened it with a flair, "and this is my room."

It was a surprisingly large room. Immediately to the right was a bookcase and a large closet, a desk with shelves sat in the far right corner. The window overlooked the street from the third floor, then in the far left corner was the double bed, haphazardly made. To the left of the door was stand with his music system on it. In the middle was a kotatsu for four people. "So this is where Ennoshita cracks the whip is it?"

Ryu laughed and rubbed the back of his head, it was well known amongst the club members that Ennoshita had taken it upon himself to pull together a study group of all the first years. "Yeah, if he doesn't go into education it will be a shame. He has a way of explaining things that really helps tie all the loose ends together." 

"Well, I like your room, the posters are so you too!" Suga snickered at the posters of a couple of anime and video game characters, mostly were scantly clad girls. 

"Shut up," it was said without heat, but Ryu blushed all the same. He was just glad that he'd taken the time last night to do all the laundry. He lead the way back to the kitchen. The two of them had always kept the apartment clean. "Do you mind if I prep things for our meal?"

Suga shook his head and watched as Ryu chopped vegetable and set the seafood into a marinade. A pot of water was put in the stove top and he watched as the rough first year tossed in ingredients to create a broth of some sort. "Where'd you learn to cook?" Koshi would never have imagined that Ryu knew how to turn on the stove let alone create anything edible. He enjoyed watching Ryu reach and stretch, his toned arms, bare in the tank top he wore. The bright red color showcasing the tan he had. 'Now if only it would show off the abs he has,' Suga smirked to himself. 

"Well, it's just Saeko and I. Has been for quite a while, really. If we wanted to eat we had to cook it. Saeko's been taking cooking classes and it was only natural for her to teach me; that way I could look after myself, besides she often works late shifts or nights." He was smiling, most of the memories about cooking were good times with him and his sister.

"So what are we having?" 

"Well the miso soup will take a couple of hours but should be ready for lunch and I thought a seafood stir fry for supper if you want to stick around that long."

"It sounds great, so in the meantime?"

"How about we watch a movie or play some video games?"

"A movie sounds great," He followed Ryu into the living room and over by the TV. They agreed on an action film. Ryu set the movie to play, while Suga went back to sit on the couch by the arm. Ryu wanted to cheer. Suga choosing that spot was going to be perfect. 

He sat right beside the silver haired teen and when the movie started he put his arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. 

Suga smiled and let his head rest against the younger teen's shoulder. He scooted over a little to get more comfortable, letting his head relax against a shoulder and even going so far as to wrap his arm around behind Ryu's waist. Reaching across his lap, Koshi let his fingers grip Tanaka's and rested them on his stomach. He could feel the heat of Tanaka's body resonating through the shirt, he let his head nestle closer to Ryu's neck, enjoying the scent. They spent the rest of the movie that way. Koshi almost curled around Ryu like a cat. 

Tanaka was cheering inside. He was sitting on his couch with Suga in his arms, a car chase with bullets flying playing in the background; but to be honest he wasn't really following the plot. The credits rolled about the same time his stomach grumbled. He squeezed Suga's hand to his stomach and laughed. "I guess I'm a little hungry, how about you?" He stood up and pulled the other with him. "Come on, the soup should just about be ready."

"How can I help?"

Ryu looked over at Suga and noticed the smile in his eyes. That must have been what had him speaking out. "You just stand there and look handsome?" He watched as Suga's jaw drop. He turned and pulled the tofu and dichon out of the fridge before chopping them and adding the broth.

Not to be out done Suga moved behind him and wrapped his arms around the muscular chest. "When did you get so saucy?" 

Tanaka's laugh echoed though the small apartment, and he held Suga's hands close to his stomach. "The soup needs another 10 minutes." He put the lid back on the pot and turned the heat down to let it simmer before turning in Suga's arms, resting his hands on the hips in front of him. "So the question is, Koshi, whatever are we going to do for that amount of time?" He liked how the name Koshi set so nicely on his tongue. 

Suga blushed and let out a small giggle.

Tanaka couldn't help himself. His thumbs rubbed back and forth across Koshi's hipbones, leaning forward, he took a chance. Watching the gray eyes in front of him, he leaned forward and carefully pressed those lips in a sweet kiss. The lips under his parted and Ryu let his tongue run across the white teeth. One hand slipped around to the middle of his back. Slowly, Ryu let it travel upward following the bumps on Suga's spine, until he could pull the man in front of him in a tighter embrace.

Suga ran his hands behind Tanaka to the small of his back where fingers played with the hem of the tank top as his lips returned the kisses he was getting. 

Tongues entwined and lips clashed. The kisses were messy, bordering on rough but neither teen complained. Hands grasped at clothing but stayed off of bare skin. They pulled each other closer and let hips rub against bulging crotches. 

Ryu swallowed Suga's moan, and as much as he wanted to continue, he slowly pulled back. Resting his forehead against the silver haired setter. "As much as I'd love to continue."

"I know, we need to slow down, at least a little." The sly smile on Suga's face had them both snickering.

"Let's eat first, maybe watch another movie," Ryu wiggled his eyebrows as smirked back.

Suga took a step back, his fingers trailing around the younger teens waist leaving a shiver in their wake. Giving the middle blocker a wink he moved to the table and sat down.

Ryu plated two servings and joined Koshi at the table. "Eat up and then we'll pick out another movie to pretend to watch while I kiss you again."

Suga sputtered, glad he hadn't taken a bite yet. Oh this was going to be an interesting evening. Of course as soon as he took a bite of the soup that Ryu had made he moaned. How the hell had he made something this delicious in that short of a time. He had watched everything be cut up and pit in the pot, nothing was special, but the flavor was astounding. "This is amazing."

"Thanks, Saeko's been teaching me some new recipes."

"Well whatever the reason, the meal is fantastic Ryu, thank you very much for feeding me," dish empty Suga was charmed by the blush that worked it's way across Ryu's face.

Tanaka was embarrassed, none of his other friends had complimented his cooking like this; "alright, let me clean up quickly and you can go and choose a movie." He needed a minute or two to compose himself. He couldn't believe that Suga had come over early and was content to sit and watch movies. Tanaka was a homebody at heart, happy to sit and watch a movie or play video games. He finished putting away the left over soup and started washing the dishes. His mind wandering to the gorgeous man in the next room. 

Suga looked through the shelves of movies in the living room. It seems that the Tanaka siblings had quite the variety of movies. There was something from every genre, "Oh my god, you've got 'Clue', I love that movie."

There was laughter from the kitchen, "Yeah, I found it one night on the late late late show, you know what I'm talking about. When they do those massive movie marathons? Anyway, I laughed myself silly and knew I had to find it. It's the English version, there are subtitles, but I don't know how well they match."

"Thant's ok, I understand most of the jokes. It was this movie that made me want to improve my English." Suga put it in and sat on the couch, waiting for Tanaka to join him. 

"So I see you've taken the middle seat on the sofa. Does that mean I can sit close to you again or would you prefer that I take the chair?"

Koshi didn't even answer, he just grabbed Ryu's hand and pulled him down on top of him. Ryu let out a startled breath and then took a minute to situate himself so that he was straddling Suga's lap.

"Is this what you wanted?" Ryu settled himself on Suga's lap resting his hands on the muscular shoulders. He sighed as strong hands encircled his waist.

"It's more then I dreamed," Suga whispered against his lips. 

They lost themselves in the kiss. Suga let his hands roam across the broad shoulders and down to a trim waist. One hand reached further and gently squeezed one ass cheek. Lips, teeth, and tongues meshed and melded together, until the need for air interrupted. Suga let his head rest against Ryu's, trying to get himself back under control. It was a bit before he realized that Tanaka was shaking and his breathes were becoming more ragged instead of calming. Bringing both hands up from Ryu's ass to cup his cheeks, Suga searched his face for some indication of what was going on.

"Ryu?"

Tanaka didn't answer and the shaking started getting worse. His eyes seemed to look right through him. Whatever he was seeing, Suga was sure it wasn't him.

"Ryu. Ryu. Come on man you're starting to scare me." He ran his hand back and forth over the shaved head.

A faint keen sound was coming from Tanaka. Koshi shifted and moved so that Ryu was now sitting on the sofa. Once his back touched the couch, Tanaka brought his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, pulling away and into himself. Suga was worried. Running into Ryu's bedroom, he pulled off the top blanket and brought out to the living room to wrap around his shivering boyfriend. "Ryu, tell what you need? How can I help?" Suga did what he could and sat beside the normally energetic wing spiker, murmuring soft words of comfort. Slowly he put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his chest. 

"Ryu, I don't know what happened to scare you like this, but I'm here and I'm not leaving. You're safe here." He kept up the litany of inane phrases wondering all the time if he shouldn't call Daichi or Noya about what was going on. The only thing that held him back was interfering in Tanaka's privacy. Something told him that this was a hidden part of Tanaka and he would respect his privacy until Ryu told him otherwise. Suga leaned back, making sure that Ryu was still covered by the blanket and pressed play on the movie. Perhaps the noise of the film would, if not snap him out of it, at least let him know that he wasn't alone. Suga did his best not to react when Tanaka moved to wrap an arm around his waist and settle his shaved head a little more on his shoulder. 

The crick in his neck woke him. Ryu was still lying against his chest and movie's home page was replaying over and over. Suga carefully rotated his neck, trying to stretch out the knot without disturbing Ryu. "What did I do to have you panic like that?" His voice was a quiet whisper more to himself then to the man in his arms.

"It wasn't you," the whispered reply would have been totally missed by Koshi, if it hadn't been accompanied by the squeezing of his waist.

"Ryu? Are you ok? Can I get you anything?" Suga cupped his face and tried to tilt it so he could look into the brown eyes that he loved.

"I'm an idiot." The words were muffled by his chest.

"Tanaka, you're not an idiot, at least not about this," Suga tried to lighten the mood. The chuckle from the shaved headed teen showed that it worked at least a little. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Tanaka heaved a large sigh and sat up. He really didn't want to have this talk this early in the their relationship, but if he reacted that strongly to Koshi grabbing his butt then everything was going to be off limits. Pushing himself up he noticed the time, 7pm, the two of them must have fallen asleep.

"Yep, we slept through the movie and a lot longer." Suga's smile was as bright as ever.

"Not to change the subject, but do you mind if we eat first? I know you've got to be hungry and I," he paused not sure how to convey how conflicted he was. 

Soft lips met his in a kiss he was sure was meant to be soothing. "That would be great, especially if supper is as fantastic as lunch was." Suga watched Tanaka headed towards the bathroom first before going into the kitchen. He could hear the sound of chopping and the clang of pots. Not wanting to intrude on Ryu's space, in case he needed a moment, Suga looked at the TV still rolling through the opening home page for 'Clue'. "You mind if I put on some music instead of another movie?"

"Go ahead."

Music pumped into the apartment, upbeat and happy. Suga walked to the edge of the kitchen and watched as the music slowly influenced the mood. Tanaka went from quiet and little withdrawn to slowly moving in time to the music. Not all out dancing yet, but definitely tapping his foot. Trying to take make things less awkward Suga decided to change the topic to something safe. "Do you think the other first years will be okay with Diachi being the captain after the third years leave?"

Ryu didn't turn around he just kept chopping, glad for the change in topic. "Yeah, he'll be great at it. What about you? You going for vice captain?"

"I likely will, just because Daichi will need someone else to help manage you guys and whatever first years sign up next year, and honestly, can you see Asahi trying to yell at someone for goofing off?"

The thought of the kind hearted wing spiker trying to yell at anyone, let alone trying to control someone like Noya had Tanaka bursting out laughing. "Yeah, I see your point. The third years plan on sticking around after Winter break?" Tanaka tossed the shrimp into the pan and gave it a couple of expert tosses. 

Suga shook his head, transfixed at the way Ryu looked standing in front of the stove. He seemed so comfortable there. He watched as Ryu dished out rice and portioned the stir fry on top. Suga took the bowls and sat down at the table, Tanaka wasn't far behind with chopsticks and two glasses of water. The first bite had Suga moaning and Ryu blushing.

"Man is this good." Suga's compliment had Ryu cheeks turning a deeper red. "I hope you don't mind, but there is no way I'm telling anyone else that you can cook."

"Well, the first years already know as I make a lot of meals to repay Ennoshita and Narita for their help with studying. Noya and Kimishita generally buy the groceries and I cook. It's part of the reason why we get together here at least once a month."

"Damn there goes my plan to keep you barefoot and chained to the stove." 

Ryu's head snapped up at that, wary of just what Suga had in mind. What he saw was Suga's eyes closed and his face relaxed and satisfied. Okay so maybe he was reading too much into an off the cuff comment. Taking a breath he tried to enjoy the flavors he had created. Going out on a limb he figured he'd try to see if he could help his best friend out. "Can I ask you a question about Asashi?"

"As long as I can refuse to answer?"

Ryu nodded and took another bite. "Do you know which way Asashi swings?"

Suga might have been worried, if it hadn't been for the way he'd seen Noya watch his quiet friend and the knowledge that anyone knew why it would be Tanaka. "Are you asking for yourself or for Noya?"

"I guess, honestly it be for both of us." Realizing how his boyfriend could take that, he quickly tried to explain. "I mean I want to know so I can support Noya, not that I want Asashi. He's handsome and all but it, you, that..." Ryu's voice trailed off as the sound of Suga's laughter registered.

"I'm pulling your leg Ryu. Daichi and I already know that Noya has a thing for Asashi." He laughed a little harder. "It was funny, the three of us are often together. Diachi and Asashi would be trying to convince me that you were interested in me, while Diachi and I would try to do the same to Asashi about Noya. Of course Asashi and I try to convince Diachi to ask Yuu out as well."

"Sounds like an interesting round robin."

"That's exactly what it is. Of course now that you and I are dating that's one down. I know Diachi had plans to at meet up with Yuu sometime during this break. Asashi will probably need to be asked because I don't know if he has enough courage to ask anyone out."

"Noya definitely has a thing for Asashi. I think he's just unsure as to which way Asashi swings. No sense hitting on a straight boy and getting your ass kicked."

"Well our homophobic captain is no help." Suga picked up the dishes and took them into the kitchen. "I'll clean up and you can pick a movie this time." 

Ryu was glad for the reprieve, he knew it was only a matter of time before he'd have to tell Koshi just how fucked up he really was, and once that happened chances were Koshi was going to run. Flipping through the games and movies in front of him, he tried to store away the memories he'd made in the past week. He only hoped that volleyball would remain a place of sanctuary for him.

Suga came out with a pot of tea, "I hope you don't mind but I raided the cupboard and made tea."

"That's fine." Ryu sat beside Suga, the movies forgotten, he angled his body towards Suga and took his hand. He couldn't look into those milk chocolate eyes, not when he was going to talk about such filth. "I wanna tell you about why I freaked, but I'm not sure how to begin or how you'll react."

Suga's face reflected the calm caring face that he was known for among the team. Inside he was worried, but more for his junior's well being then for his safety. If nothing else Tanaka needed a friend right now and he could do that. "Ryu start where you can and know that I'll listen." 

"Just..Just, let me get as far as I can for now." he took a deep breath and started. "I don't know when it first dawned on me, but I always knew that my father hated me. Mom was a bit of a slut, going out on dates and coming home drunk. Saeko is the one I turned to when I needed help. I'd get smacked here or there and thought it normal. I grew a good five inches during middle school, we think that was a trigger and, well that's when the abuse stepped up. It got worse when my grandmother died, and Saeko was in her last year of high school. I won't go into details, but it was bad." Lost in memories he didn't realize that he was squeezing Suga's hands tighter and tighter.

Suga tried to keep his expression neutral while inside his heart was breaking. It hadn't taken a rocket scientist to see through the lies Noya had spread at the beginning of the year when Ryu was out of class for the month. Once Tanaka had returned to school, it had taken one look for Suga to know that there had been no car accident, but he had respected his junior's privacy and not said anything.

"Can I say something?" Ryu had been quiet a long time and Suga wanted to pull him out of his head as well as make sure he didn't take things the wrong way. "If I understand what your saying correctly, you're telling me that you were abused and that something I did inadvertently reminded you of that?" God he hope to hell that's what had caused the issue. 

Watching the shaved head nod, the dark eyes not quite meeting his, Koshi took a breath and continued. "Ok, so we'll work with the idea that somethings might trigger a flashback. Do you know what it was this time? If it's something we can avoid that will be fine, if not then maybe there's a way to work on it without bringing on the flash back." He was pretty sure that there was a way to do that.

"It was you grabbing my ass the way you did that had me freaking out." 

Suga frowned, well that was going to be difficult, because he wanted to do more then just grab that nice tight ass. "Alright so if we keep things above the waist for right now, things should be okay. Just remember to let me know if something bothers you. We can talk about it and figure out a solution together."

"You don't want to leave me?" Tanaka's voice was quiet and timid again. 

While he liked that his boyfriend could be vulnerable he also knew that there were other ways he could show it without denting his confidence. Suga leaned in and kissed the lips in front of him, "that isn't enough of a reason for me to leave you. We'll work on this together." He pulled one hand free to cup Ryu's cheek. "We'll leave the serious talking for now and watch some mindless movie where a lot things blow up for no reason while you sit in my arms." He wasn't trying to diminish what he'd been told, but he needed a moment to digest just what it was he had heard. Crouching near the videos he turned and smiled brightly as Ryu, "So what's your favorite mindless show?"

Ryu just shrugged still trying to switch gears. Suga took the opportunity to select a comedy and put it in. Spreading the floor pillows, Suga pulled Ryu up from the couch, "sit on the pillow there," grabbing the throw from the back of the chesterfield, he slid his body in behind Ryu, resting his back against the couch and settling Ryu between his legs spreading the blanket over him. "Is this alright?" The last thing Suga wanted was to bring on another flashback. He was itching to do some research on victims of abuse, triggers and how to work through them, but instinct told him that if he left now, Tanaka would believe he wanted out. Sure their relationship was new and fragile, but they were stronger.

"Yeah thanks," he pulled the blanket up to his chin and leaned back a little further into Suga's embrace.

"I'm just going to hold you while we watch another movie. You have control here." He pressed soft kisses onto the shaved scalp just about his right ear. "You're safe with me Ryu."

"Sorry to ruin the day."

"Sshhh, nothing's ruined. I have throughly enjoyed my day with you. You've treated me to wonderful meals and we got to make out a little." He kissed the blushing cheek, "the day's not over yet either, and I have plans for us on our next date."

The movie played on. Neither boy really paying it much attention still stuck in their own heads. Suga's arms tighten around Ryu's middle, his cheek resting against the top of Ryu's head. Maybe he hadn't ruined everything after all. Maybe Suga would stay with him, at least for little while. Ryu, he nestled himself closer into Koshi's warm arms and let the movie take him away.


	7. I have a Secret, but is it mine to tell?

"Sit, are you hungry?" Koshi's father stopped putting away the food to look at his son. 

"No I'm good. Ryu fed me." 

He stared at his son. Koshi wouldn't meet his eyes, and in fact looked like he had been crying recently. "So why don't you sit and tell me what's bothering you." Sugawara senior set two glasses of water on the table and waited for his youngest son to sit down. He really was a carbon copy of himself. Except for his smile, he had his mother's smile. "Or did you want to wait until your mother comes home tomorrow and talk to her."

Suga sat and played with the water glass in front of him. Really giving thought to what it was that was bothering him and whether he wanted to talk about it. Gazing deep into the glass he knew that he needed to talk about it and his father just might be the right person to talk to about everything he had learned over the last couple of hours.

"Dad, I think I need your help."

Mr Sugawara sat across from his son and really looked at him. Koshi the sparkle was missing from his eyes and they were ringed with bags. He waited while his son got his thoughts in order and let him take his time.

"It's about Ryunosuke Tanaka."

"You're team mate on the volleyball team? The one you have a crush on?"

He nodded, never happier that his parents were okay with his sexuality. "We just started dating, and things have been good. Today I went over for a date. He made me lunch and then supper and we watched a couple of movies."

Nodding he didn't see an issue with what his son had described, of course knowing his son, he was working up to the real issue.

"Ryu is a wonderful cook. He made Miso soup for lunch and a fresh stir fry for supper. It was what happened in between that worries me. We were kissing," he tried so hard not to blush, no matter how frank he could be with his parents. "Anyway we were kissing and making out a bit when he freaked out on me. It took a couple of hours but he finally opened up and told me a little about his past. He was abused dad, verbally and physically for sure and I'm guessing sexually as well; and if I understood everything I think it was his family that did the abusing." Koshi wiped the tears flowing down his cheeks.

Rei Sugawara moved to the other side of the table and wrapped his arms around his son. Children were precious gifts and hearing how some people took that gift; abused it, and twisted it for their own pleasure pissed him off. The fact that his son was now dating someone who had been through that was tough. "Is he safe where he is?" He relaxed a little at the nod his son gave, "Do you know what you want to do?"

"He's safe. He lives with his sister. I want to stay with him dad. When we're together he makes me laugh and smile. I often watch him during practice and marvel at his strength. He may not be book smart, but he knows things that are so wonderful. He's learned to cook from his sister, Saeko and it's amazing watching him in the kitchen. He does these amazing drawings that hang all around his room. I just don't know how to help him or support him. I mean it's not like I think he's broken and damaged but I need to know what to do if he has another panic attack. What if I do something wrong and causes him to freak out even more? I don't want to loose him either as a friend or for the team. He means too much to me already."

Rei took a deep breath. That was a lot to deal with for new relationship. "Koshi the best advise I can give you right now is to just be there for him and make sure that the lines of communication stay open." Rei went back to the kitchen to make some tea. He wished that Yoko was here to help. "Koshi do you think Ryunosuke would be comfortable coming over here to spend some time with us as a family? I don't want to infringe on your couple time, but maybe if he spends some time around us, we can see how he reacts around us and you and maybe have some other ideas. Does he know that you're talking to me about it? I'm not implying that you should have kept your worries to yourself, but I don't want him to be shocked either."

"Damn it!" Koshi dropped his head into his arms. 

"It's a balancing act, all relationships are. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be hard and likely get harder still, and that's not even taking into consideration the fact that you're gay. With his history of being abused, it's going to be even harder then normal. It'd be more cruel to accept him only to drop him in a couple of months; then it would be to break up now."

His dad was right, this was Ryu's private life they were talking about. He knew that his parents wouldn't gossip but he was glad that he had gone to his dad about this and not talked to Daichi. Nothing would trouble Ryu faster then Diachi and the rest of the team changing how they treated him. "I think, I'm going to go to bed and really think about this." Walking down the hall Koshi knew that he wasn't going to leave Ryu. He just needed to find a way to help him the best he could. Maybe the answers would become clear after a good night sleep. Hell, maybe he'd figure out some of the questions too. Lying on the bed in his dark room and the silver haired setter took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind. Classes started back up tomorrow and that meant practice. The ringing of his phone had him searching for the device. 

"Hey man, long time no see. So you ready for classes tomorrow?"

"Daichi."

"Hey. You don't need to sound so disappointed, I mean I know I'm not your new boy toy, but hey!" The laughter at the other end almost had Suga in tears. Diachi was his best friend. The first one he called at all the important moments in the last two years. He had been there when Daichi's dad was in a car accident and unable to work or even get around well. Daichi had been there for him when his mom had received her promotion which meant more time away from home. He had been there when he came out to his parents. This, however, was something different. This wasn't his secret to tell.

"I'm not disappointed. So how was your week off? Did you get the renovations finished?"

"The grandparents say hello by the way. We not only reshingled the house but Grandma wanted a couple of rooms repainted and furniture moved. I would've asked you to come too, but I know how useless you are with everything including a paint brush. So how was your time with Tanaka?"

Suga laughed, Daichi had it right. If he had gone along, the best he could do was be an errand boy. "We went running everyday together, went to the movies, walked around the mall, that type of thing. We spent most of today together and well..." How did he talk about it without talking about it.

"Something happened and now both of you are a little awkward. God Suga you are so predictable. Relax, breathe, and talk to him. I mean really. You've had a thing for Tanaka and his shaved head ever since he turned in his club application form. I've seen the way you watched him in the halls and at practice."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Of course I am. Now, you going to meet me tomorrow at the normal spot before practice?"

"Yeah." 

"Good, now get of the phone with me and CALL not text your boyfriend to smooth things over." Daichi hung up before Suga could even say goodbye.

Suga looked at his phone. His best friend was a pain in the ass, but he was also right. Dialing Ryu's number, he closed his eyes and prayed. It wasn't like they had left things on a bad note, but he wanted to make sure that Tanaka knew he wasn't alone.

"Hello," Tanaka's voice was tentative and Suga knew that wouldn't do.

"Well hello to you to, sexy." 

"Suga," Ryu stretched on the couch and smiled, "are you sure you're not looking in a mirror?" Suga's laugh did something to his insides and his heart beat faster. "So what did you want?"

"Just to say good night and I'll see you tomorrow at practice."

They talked for another couple of minutes before hanging up. Diachi was right, that was just what he needed, even just saying goodnight to Ryu left him feeling more complete then ever. They would get through this, together.


	8. Nightmares brought into the light of Day

The sound of loud voices and laughter had Daichi glancing at his best friends immediately. Asahi and Suga were both blushing but kept glancing at the door to see when the energetic first years would enter. Daichi was just thankful that whatever issue Suga and Tanaka had last week was resolved. They were both still cautious around each other, at least at school.

The next few months saw a number of first years skip club for over a week, but they were back now. Daichi really didn't blame them, Coach Ukai could be brutal in his practices. The team lost in the second round at the inter high prelims and the third years retired to focus on school. The rest of them were working hard, with Daichi as team captain the team was slowly morphing into the close knit group he knew it could be. Of course Asahi and Noya were still dancing around their attraction for one another. He wasn't much better. He had asked Yuu out to the movies, with the group and had ended up sitting two rows away. With all the time they spent at practice, it was a wonder that anyone could find the time to date.

He looked over the court, they were playing four on four with Coach Ukai yelling instructions to both sides. Suga, Asahi, Narita, and Noya against Tanaka, Ennoshita, Kinoshita and himself.

"Read Blocking. Remember to follow the ball. Don't guess." Coach's instructions echoed through the gym. Both sides struggled to do as they were asked. Practice ran on and on.

Using the towel to wipe his face, Tanaka leaned against the wall. "That was a rough one," he caught the bottle of water Noya tossed in his direction.

"Yeah, coach really had us going this time." Noya stole the towel from Ryu and threw it right back at him.

"Alright, that's it for today, stretch then clean up." Coach Ukai started walking away, when his legs faltered and he collapsed right there in the middle of the gym.

Noya was the first to react, running straight for the older man. He gently rolled him onto his back, "Coach Ukai. Coach Ukai. Can you hear me?" When he didn't get a response he looked over at his captain, "Daichi, go and tell the office that Coach Ukai collapsed. Have them call an ambulance and then bring a teacher over here. Go quickly." 

Daichi ran out of the gym. The rest of the team started to close in on Noya and their downed coach. "Ryu."

"Back up guys." Ryu knew what Noya needed, "Narita, Asahi, Kinnoshita please start cleaning up the gym. Noya, do you want blankets? Water?"

"Raise his feet a little."

Ryu pulled off his sweatshirt and rolled it up. Sliding it under Ukai's legs lifting them off the ground a dozen centimeters, "that ok?"

Noya didn't answer, but he really didn't expect him too. Suga came over with a couple of towels and water bottle.

"Noya, I have towels and water." Suga was calm.

"Wipe his face, and then can you get a couple of jackets to cover his chest." Suga was there immediately with a couple of jackets for warmth.

Daichi and Mr Asume, the second year math teacher, came running into the gym. "Noya, an ambulance is on the way, and I have Mr Asume with me."

"How long for the ambulance?" Noya asked, but didn't look up from what he was doing.

"Any minute now. We've called Coach Ukai's next of kin, his daughter-in-law." Mr Asume's comment came just as the paramedics were entering the gym.

"What's happened." The gurney stopped beside Coach Ukai, one paramedic started to pull their bags off the bed, while the other pulled out a stethoscope and began to look at Coach.

"My name is Nishinoya, we just finished practice, he had been throwing us balls but not running around. He told us to clean up and started towards the door, when he collapsed. I got to him first, turned him over and realized that he was still breathing and had a heart beat. We covered his core and raised his feet, but that's all we've done."

"Good work son. We'll take it from here." They strapped Ukai in and rolled him towards the ambulance.

Mr Asume stood there transfixed. "Good work...Nishinoya, was it? Sawamura can I leave you to handle the team. I will lock up the gym. I assume that you all have practice again tomorrow, under the circumstances it will need to be cancelled." The math teacher kept talking watching as the rest of the team gathered round. "If you want to keep practice on your own; that's up to you. I'll talk to the principal about finding a teacher advisor for you."

"Sir, can you keep us updated on Coach's condition?" Daichi request was greeted with a nod.

"Alright, Sawamura, you know this group better then I do. What do you do next?" Mr Asume looked around the gym, but all the equipment was put away thanks to Asahi and the other second years. Ennoshita and Kinnoshita finished mopping the floors and we're just putting everything away for the night.

"Let's all head up to the club room so Mr Asume can lock up." Daichi clapped his hands and everyone headed up to the club room to change. Daichi and Mr Asume were the last to leave, locking the gym up. The pair talked for a bit before Mr Asume walked back into the school. Daichi stood at the bottom of the stairs fiddling around with his phone. Suga peered over the railing, the team was anxious and he wasn't sure what to do.

"First thing," just having Daichi enter the room calmed everyone else down. He really was the best choice for captain, "I sent a text to everyone's parents. Please talk to them or the school councilor. Something like this affects all of us differently. Mr Asume reminded me that the school policy say that we can't hold club in the gym without a coach or teacher advisor. Right now we don't have one. Instead what I'd like to do is running laps around the track or line sprints on the soccer field in the mornings. After school we can go to the park and use the beach volleyball pit for four on fours." The dark haired wing spiker waited for feedback from the rest of the team.

"Good plan Daichi," Asahi knew that they needed to keep up some type of training. "Can we use school balls, or should we bring our own?"

Daichi locked the club room door behind Noya, the rest of the group was waiting on the stairs. "I'll bring the balls, the rest of you just make sure you're not late, we'll met here in the club room before heading to the park. We still have access to that for now. Monday we'll meet at the track and run for morning practice."

The group scattered in order to head home for the night. Suga and Tanaka headed off together, Daichi walked behind them a ways and smiled when Tanaka reached for Suga's hand once they were out of everyone else's line of sight. He wanted to run and bug the pair about it, but he knew that Tanaka was worried about their reception as a couple by the rest of the team. He decided to hang back even more to give the privacy. He'd call Suga and harass him about it later. He spent the rest of the walk reflecting on all the Coach Ukai had taught him. When he signed up first year with Suga and Asahi they only had the teacher advisor to help and he didn't really care about volleyball. Coach Ukai had retired the year before, but they were lucky to have him come back in the last half of his first year and this year. Hopefully his collapse today was nothing serious and he would be back.

Suga squeezed Tanaka's hand. "Do you have plans for this weekend?"

"Spending time with you, and maybe some homework."

Suga smiled, leaned in and kissed Tanaka's cheek. "Why don't I come over tonight and I'll help you get that homework done, so we can spend the weekend together? My folks want you to come over for supper tomorrow."

Ryu was scared, he'd have to meet Suga's parent tomorrow. What happened if they didn't like him?

"Don't worry Ryu, my folks aren't that scary." Suga pulled him closer and slid under his arm.

The pair walked as if joined at the hip. Tanaka was still worried about who might see them. It wasn't as if he was ashamed of his relationship with Suga, but the reality was gay bashing happened every day. Not only that but he still felt that someone was watching him when he went to and from school. The last thing he wanted was for whoever was watching to focus on Suga. Right now he just wanted to get them safely to his apartment, where they wouldn't be judged.

Saeko's voice seemed to bounce off the walls as soon as they opened the door. Suga looked over as Ryu shrugged his shoulders, "She's watching some game show." As if that explained it all. Perhaps it did, Suga thought about some of the contestants on those shows and how even the most basic of questions had them stumped.

"Saeko, I'm home. Suga's with me." The pair removed their shoes and started towards the living room.

"Supper is on the stove, there should be more then enough for both of you." She met the pair in the kitchen and watched as Ryu handed a plate to Suga and the two of them dish out food. She liked Ryu's boyfriend. The silver haired boy was calm and showed a compassion that her brother needed after everything he's been through. She remembered coming home a couple of weeks before to Ryu an emotional mess. Her little brother was sure that his past had messed up his first real relationship. Looking at them now, Saeko was glad that Suga could look past that and see Ryu for the wonderful guy that he was, of course it all depended on just how much he actually knew. "Sooooo. How was school? Practice?"

"School was long. I have math and history homework. Practice was, well..." Ryu's answer was typical, but when he didn't start gushing about spikes and receives, she looked over to and searched Suga's face. Ryu's silence refusal to talk about practice bugged Saeko, and she knew something had gone down.

"Coach Ukai collapsed and we had to call an ambulance for him." Suga explained, "Noya took over right away and Ryu was right there, to help and giving orders. It was kinda hot, you being all in charge and demanding." The last had Ryu blushing. 

"Will he be alright?" The concern in her voice was real. Saeko might not know much about volleyball still, but she did know how much her brother enjoyed the sport and respected their coach.

"Noya said that he had a heart beat and was breathing when the ambulance took him to the hospital and they got there really quick. He should be okay." Ryu felt a little ill to think of what had happened, but he also knew that Noya had a lot of first aid training. Mostly because of his parents. 

He was starting to look green and Saeko was worried that he'd faint. A change of topic might actually be in order. "Alright, Ryu get your homework done after you eat, although I'm sure that's what Suga is here for." Saeko winked at her brother's grey eyed guy.

Ryu tried to focus on the plate in front of him, but his vision was starting to gray around the edges and Saeko's voice was muted. He was pretty sure that he swayed a little on his feet. Suga's hand on his back was warm and comforting. He didn't notice when Suga put his plate on the counter or reach out for Ryu's. All he knew was that Suga was pulling him back into his embrace and he needed that comfort more then he needed his next breath.

"Excuse us Saeko, but I think a meal will need to wait for a bit." Suga wrapped his arm around Ryu's waist and lead him down the hall to his bedroom. Once in the room, Suga helped Ryu lie down on the bed. "Relax here for a bit, alright, I'll be right back." Suga headed back in the kitchen watched as Saeko placed Suga's plate, a pot of tea, and some toast on a tray.

"I'd like to stay with him tonight." Suga knew he was asking a lot but he was worried about Ryu.

"He was always really good in a crisis, but would turn green, get sick, or faint afterwards when he had a moment to think about what happened." Saeko added a small container of honey to the tray. "Throw some honey in the tea. I'll put the food away, but if you want anymore Suga, please just dig in the fridge. Do you want me to call your parents to give them a heads up that you'll be spending the night?"

"You don't mind?" Suga wanted to ask why Saeko was so willing to allow him liberties when he knew his own parents would have questions.

"Take care of Ryu. That's what's important right now. I'll call your folks if you promise to come and get me if Ryu gets really bad."

Suga nodded and took the tray back to Ryu's room. He was glad she had put his food on the tray as well. The day had been long, between early morning practice, school, and all the stress with Coach Ukai; he needed food. He set the tray on the kotesu and pour two cups of tea, adding a good amount of honey to one cup. "Ryu, come on over here. We'll cuddle up under the kotesu and get nice and warm alright?"

Tanaka moved slowly, sitting down not really responding. It kinda freaked Suga out. Here was the team's loudmouth overly excitable wing spiker and he was so quiet, you could have sworn he'd switched places with Asahi. "Drink. Eat." Suga put the tea and toast in front of quiet teen before squeezing in beside him and pulling his own plate forward. He didn't say anything when Tanaka leaned against his side, nibbling on the toast. It felt good to have Tanaka at his side. For all that Tanaka just had toast, Suga was the first done his meal. "Do you want anything else?"

Suga threw all thoughts of getting Ryu to do his homework tonight out the window. 

"I'm scared Koushi," Ryu rested his head on Suga's shoulder, "I never saw anyone fall like that. I thought for sure he was dead. Then Noya just ran right over and the look in his eyes told me he was still alive. I knew he'd need help and well I've been at the Nishnoya's enough times to know I could help."

Suga wrapped his arms around the first year and rubbed small circle on his back. "Climb on the bed, I'll take the dishes out and then we can watch a movie."

"But my homework? I need your help on my history paper." Worry and agitation were evident in his voice.

"We can work on it tomorrow. Relax, I'll be right back." He kissed the top of the shaved head and stood. Taking the tray back to the kitchen, Suga quickly washed the dishes and left them in the strainer to dry. He pulled two bottles of water from the fridge and went back to Tanaka's room. The door to Saeko's room was open a bit, Suga figured that she was leaving that way in case Ryu needed her. They were so close. He followed her example and left the door part way open. "Did you pick a movie to watch? Or do you just want to watch some TV?"

"I picked an anime series I like, I hope that's ok?"

"That''s fine. Do you want to stay on the floor or.." He left the question open because as much as he wanted to lie on the bed and cuddle his cute boyfriend, he was still painfully aware that Ryu had some issues with how and when he was touched. "Whatever you need, all you need to do is ask."

Ryu slowly got up from under the kotesu and dug through his closet. "I'm going to change into something more comfortable."

Koshi interrupted him in hopes of getting a smile, "are you trying to seduce me here? Going to show me your etchings next?"

It took Tanaka a minute to recall the lines from a couple of old cheesy movies they had watched. He turned and looked over his shoulder at Suga sitting on the edge of the bed, and batted his eyelashes joining in on the fun, "only if you ask nicely." 

They both laughed as Ryu dug through his closet to get another pair of sleep pants and a t shirt out for Suga, "You can have the bathroom first."

Suga came back to Ryu already changed into a tank top and shorts. He was sitting on the bed holding the remote in his hand. "Can you shut off the light. I would like to sit with you on the bed. I mean I have a futon if you want me to pull it out." He stuttered and blushed rubbing the back of his head.

The light snapped off, leaving only a sliver of light from the hall and the glow of the television to illuminate the room. Suga carefully made his way over to Ryu's side. "Tanaka," reaching for his hand and interlacing their fingers, "I would love to lie here and hold you all night. I just need to know if you're comfortable with it. I need you to talk to me if I do something that makes you uncomfortable. No matter what it is, no matter how small, if something I do starts to bug you then I need you to tell me so we can work through it."

He was never happier that the lights were off, maybe Suga said what he did in the dark on purpose. He was smart enough to know that some confessions were easier said and heard in the dark. "I want to tell you what happened, so we can work through it, but I'm scared that if I do, you'll leave me."

"I can't promise that I won't get upset on your behalf, but from everything that I know about you tells me that I won't be leaving you, at least not over something that happened in your past." He leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Do you want to talk tonight or leave it for another night?"

"I think I better talk while I can." Ryu reached for the bottle of water and took a drink. "I think I was about 9 when it became clear that my father didn't like me. I mean I knew that mom slept around and that for some reason he put up with it. Saeko was always being called names. Stupid. Bitch. Whore. Things like that, even though she was the one who cooked the meals and made sure that the house was clean and bills paid. Neither mom or dad seemed to have anything nice or encouraging to say to her. I on the other hand, was pretty much ignored unless dad was drinking. Then he'd start with the hitting. The last year of middle school was the worst. Our grandmother, knew what was going on the house and she gave us an escape plan. Saeko was out of the house and in an apartment for her first year at college. I had to wait a year. Mom moved out and the abuse stepped up. He would often come into my room when I was sleeping just to beat me. Grandmother died right after I was accepted into Kurusano High school and that made things even worse because she left us all of her money. I went back to the house one last time at the beginning of the year to get the last of our stuff when dad ambushed me. I was beaten and raped." His voice faltered. He'd managed to make the first part sound like a report, pulling himself from the equation, but that last night. No, he wasn't going to break. His therapist had said that talking about it with trusted friends was a good idea; and if he couldn't trust his boyfriend, who could he trust. "Saeko found me. I guess I was in really bad shape, but she remembered that Noya's mom was a doctor so she took me there. I spent a week recovering from the injuries. It was the first time that I was sexually abused too. Mr Nishnoya helped us find a good therapist. Both Saeko and I go to see him separately and together. It'll likely be something I'll need for a while."

"I'm glad you have someone to talk to. Can I assume that Noya knows most of your history?" If Noya knew what had happened to Ryu then that would give Suga someone he could confined in without betraying Tanaka. He wasn't sure if he wanted to share this with Daichi, mostly because of how Ryu looked up to him.

"Yeah, most of it couldn't be helped, I mean I was staying at the clinic in their house and Yu would hear me cry out or react to something that his parents did. I think Mr Nishnoya had Yu go to the therapist as well. I mean we had become friends really fast and I think that I was the first person that he really knew that had gone through something like this. It gave me hope that I could be me and have friends that knew my past. Noya just makes sure that I know where he is when we're together." 

Suga's heart broke. "Can I sit behind you and hold you while we watch the anime you picked out? It's not that I don't want to hear everything you've got to tell me, but I think I need a little bit to fully understand what it is that you've told me. I'm not going to leave you."

Ryu nodded and Suga scooted so his back was resting against the wall, Ryu crawled in between his long legs and rested his back to Suga's chest. "I like sitting with you like this, it's warm and safe." He tried to hide his blush.

"I will take any opportunity I can to hold you."

Ryu pressed play on the remote and let DVD play. He pulled at Suga's hands, interlacing their fingers and resting them on his stomach as he relaxed with the music of the opening credits. A lot had happened today and he was emotional wrung out. He was glad that Suga had called a halt to their talk; at least for the moment. He knew that they'd have set backs and need to talk things out again, but at least now he knew that things were possible.

Suga watched as Ryu relaxed further and further into his embrace. The anime wasn't something that he normally would watch but the lead character of this one grabbed his attention. Suga leaned in kissed at the tanned neck right in front of him. 

It felt so good, Ryu tilted his head further to the side and held Suga's hands a little tighter to his stomach.

It was well after midnight when Saeko stuck her head in the door to check on her brother. The sight before her brought tears to her eyes. Ryu was lying on the bed at an odd angle with Suga spooned up tight behind him. Grabbing a blanket from the living room, she carefully covered the pair up. When Ryu flinched she ran her hand over his shaved head with a whisper, "it's only me Ryu, you're safe in Suga's arms," and watched as he settled down again.


	9. Is this a temporary set back, or should I just leave?

Dinner at Sugawara's wasn't as intimidating as he expected it to be. Both of Suga's parents had the same sly sense of humor as their son. Almost immediately Ryu felt himself relax enough to be a little more of his energetic self. The house itself was a modest one story home with a long U-shaped kitchen and a pass through to the dining room which was open to the living room. A hallway to the left lead to the bathroom and two bedrooms

"Are you always so honest and forthcoming?" Rei Sugawara smiled as he listened to Koshi and Ryu banter back and forth. "I mean I know Koshi has a weird sense of humor, but I didn't think there was anyone else who could keep up with him."

"Now Rei, you sure are one to talk. Where do you think Koshi's sense of humor came from?" Keiko Sugawara was a warm woman. Koshi was a perfect blend of both his father's strong features and his mother's good looks. Both of them were kind and welcoming and had that quirky sense of humor. 

Ryu blushed; he was really comfortable here, and he tried hard not to let the other day's drama show through.

Koshi looked at Ryu and nodded, "we'll get the dishes tonight." He needed to take the attention away from Ryu and his comments during supper. He knew that Ryu was still a little self conscious about making a good impression.

Ryu stood up and helped gather dishes. Washing, drying and putting dishes away, the routine gave Ryu the time he needed to relax. 

"You know Mom and Dad don't mean anything by the teasing. They tease Daichi and Asahi whenever they come over. It just means that they like you." He bumped Ryu's hip and danced away when the first year reached out with a hand full of bubbles. "Oh no you don't," the giggle that escaped was so cute, that Ryu tried it again just to hear it one more time. 

"Finish up already you two. We have a movie ready." Keiko's voice echoed from the living room.

Ryu wiped out the sink and dried his hands. Koshi boxed Ryu against the the cupboard, his hands on either side of trim hips. Leaning in Koshi searched his face before kissing him soundly on the lips. Laughter came from the other room, reminding them that they weren't alone, "come on, let's go. We'll save this for another day." Suga whispered into Tanaka's ear, before turning and walking out of the kitchen. 

Suga's parents were sitting on the couch, it looked like they had chosen a popular comedy movie to watch. Koshi could see that Ryu was a little uncomfortable as to picking a seat, so reaching for his hand, he pulled Ryu over to the floor pillows and settled down behind him, arms wrapped around Ryu's middle. Soon the four of them were engrossed in the movie. Suga rested his chin on Ryu's shoulder and carefully slipped his hand under the hem of Ryu's t-shirt and rubbed circles on the bare abs underneath.

The warmth of Suga's touch, the good food, and mindless noise of the movie had Ryu zoning out. His eyes slipping closed every once in a while. When Rei leaned over the pair to spread a blanket over them, Ryu reacted without thought.

"No!" He screamed and swung out. Not even paying attention to where he was aiming, he lashed out and tried his best to scramble out of the way of whoever was trying to hold him down.

"Tanaka, Tanaka, RYU!" Suga struggled to his knees now that Ryu had moved across the room. 

His back was to a wall and his hands out as if to defend himself.

"Ryu look at me man, you're scaring me."

Ryu was shaky and pale, sweat was running down his face like he'd run a marathon. Blinking furiously, he tried to focus on what was in front of him. "Suga," he was embarrassed and worried. "What did I do?"

"It was my fault, Ryu," Rei was kneeling just out of reach, Keiko was coming out of the kitchen with a tray holding a teapot and cups as well as a bottle of water. 

She handed the water to Ryu, with a pat to his foot before kneeling beside her husband. 

"I hope you understand, that when you told Koshi a little about your past, he was deeply concerned and worried. He's never known anyone who had been abused and wasn't sure how to deal with it." Rei watched as his son slowly reached out and interlaced his fingers with the shaking teen in front of him. "We've always told Koshi that he could tell us anything and we'd do our best to help him. He made the decision to stay with you and try to make things work, and once again we told him he had our support. " he reached out for his wife, and she took up the conversation, as she took his hand.

"Rei and I talked about it. We've both have done some research, trying to anticipate any issues that Koshi and you may come across all without invading your privacy. We wanted to make sure that we also had the tools at hand to help."

Ryu could feel himself going paler and paler. He just wanted to fade into the floor and never be seen again. His boyfriend's parents had done research? Could things get anymore embarrassing?

"Tonight at supper and even watching the movie, your past completely slipped my mind. When I saw the both of you falling asleep, I did the first thing that came to mind, which was to get a blanket to cover you up. I didn't take into consideration that in your drowsy state that you would react as if preparing for an attack."

The more he listened, the more he leaned into Suga's body. Keiko handed the blanket to her son and let him cover them both. 

"I should leave. Koshi, if this is how I'm going to react every time you do something unexpected, it might be safer if we don't see each other anymore." He couldn't believe he was sitting here wrapped in Koshi's arms trying to break up with him in front of his parents.

"Ryu, you're not leaving me over something like this."

"I hit someone! I know I did! I didn't know what I was doing or who was there. What if I hit you and just don't stop. Suga I couldn't bare to hurt you like that." He didn't want to cry in front of Suga but his mind was spinning.

Rei moved in a little closer, slowly and in plain sight, he moved his hand to cup Ryu's shoulder. "It was me you were aiming at, and aside from the first hit that grazed my shoulder, nothing else connected. I am not going to condemn you for protecting yourself. Trust in Koshi." Giving the shoulder another squeeze the elder Sugawara stood and reached for his wife's hand. "We're going to go to our room and let you two work things out. Ryu, just know that you make Koshi happy and that's important to us. You are welcome here even if it's just as a teammate and friend." 

Keiko reached out for Koshi's hand giving it a reassuring squeeze as she walked by. "Saeko," she mouthed as she went by. Koshi just nodded.

"Ryu, just stay here with me for now. It's been a really stressful couple of days and I don't want either of us to make any big decisions right now. Come on, let's go to my room and we'll lie down." He carefully pulled Ryu to his feet, making sure to keep the blanket around him and led him down the hall to his bedroom. Snagging his phone as he walked by, Suga opened the door to his bedroom and sat Ryu down on the bed, "I'll be right back, don't move." Quickly going into the bathroom Suga wet a wash cloth and sent a quick text to Saeko letting her know that Ryu had a bit of a breakdown but that he was ok now and spending the night. 

"Let me take care of you tonight," he gently ran the wash cloth over Tanaka's face before pulling his t-shirt over his head and setting it on his desk chair. He knelt between Ryu's thighs. Oh how he wanted to be there for a completely different reason. Right now he needed to see to Ryu's comfort. His hands rested on the waistband of Tanaka's jeans, undid the button and slid down the zipper. "Lift your hips baby," pulling the jeans over his hips and down his legs. Tanaka remained almost catatonic. Koshi reached for a pair of soft flannel sleep pants And helped him into them. Reaching behind, he moved the blanket out of the way, "lie down, I'll be right there."

As soon as Ryu's head hit the pillow his eyes closed. He was so tired. Tired of being afraid, tired of flinching every time someone came to close, tired of being so emotionally wrung out. The overhead light went out, and one over the desk turned on. He felt the bed dip behind him.

"It's just me. I'm going to put my arm around you and hold you. If it makes you uncomfortable, let me know." Suga settled himself in behind Ryu, his arm draped over his waist.

Ryu shuddered at the contact, the grabbed ahold of the hand around him and intertwined their fingers before pulling it closer to his chest and holding it over his heart. "You make me feel safe." He leaned back into Suga's embrace and closed his eyes.

An hour later, Koshi lifted his head when his bedroom door opened and his mother poked her head through. "Is he ok?" Her voice was whisper in the room. 

He nodded. She didn't make mention of the fact that they were in the same bed.

* * * 

Suga had completely forgotten that Daichi was coming over the next morning. His parents must have let him in as they were leaving. The squeak of his desk chair woke Suga up. His room was still pretty dark the only light coming from the lamp on his desk and his open bedroom door. Ryu was still in his embrace, his face now in the crook of his neck and one leg had slipped between his. Opening his eyes, he watched as his best friend swiveled the desk chair back and forth. The mischievous look on his face told Koshi that he was in for some big time ribbing. Unconsciously squeezing the teen in his arms he broke the silence, praying that Ryu would remain asleep. 

"And why are you here so early?" He whispered.

"Honestly, I figured we could work on this project in the morning, leaving the afternoon free to go our separate ways. Since you and I are both early risers I didn't think there was an issue. Your folks were just leaving when I got here and they didn't say anything about a bedmate." He smirked at his best friend, "so here I am, expecting to see you up and about only to find you lazing around in bed with our impressionable wing spiker in your arms." Daichi had kept his voice low, Suga's mom had only said that Koshi had had a difficult night, nothing about Tanaka being there. The bags under Suga's eyes let him know that his friend hadn't gotten a lot of sleep. There was no way that the Sugawara's didn't know where Ryu had spent the night and while they pretty easy going; something heavy must have gone down for them to overlook the fact that Suga had literally slept with his boyfriend.

Suga just sighed, "give me a minute will ya?"

Daichi laughed silently, "I'll go an make tea shall I?"

It said a lot about the depth of their friendship, that Daichi felt comfortable enough to search through the kitchen without Suga there. He had just finished pouring when Suga walked in.

"How is he?" Daichi passed a cup, "your folks didn't say much, just that you had a hard night."

"It's his story to tell, but we're working on it." Suga scrubbed both hands over his face, so he missed Daichi's glance to the doorway and the freshman standing there, shell shocked and uncertain.

"Tanaka, come and sit down, there's tea made."

Ryu was wary, he knew that Daichi had said he was ok with the two of the dating, had encouraged him to ask Suga out even; but talking about it and seeing it up front and personal was something totally different. Suga turned towards the doorway and held out his hand. It was a lifeline and Ryu reached for it gladly. Suga had been his rock. These last few weeks were full of him breaking down constantly. He knew how close the three third years were and what he had overheard just now had let him know that Suga hadn't gossiped about him. He really was tired of all his emotional baggage. He sat, holding Koshi hand to his thigh.

"If Koshi is secretive about our relationship, it's my fault. I have some...I guess baggage would be the best term, about my past. I'm trying my best to deal with it." Tanaka drew random designs on the table top with his fingers.

"Ryu, it's ok. We'll get through this. You are in control of who knows what and when." Suga squeezed the clammy hand in encouragement.

Daichi listened with the attention to detail that made him a great captain. "Alright, I won't push. I just want you to know that you can come to me as well. However, I will interfere if I feel that there is a danger to either of you."

Tanaka really thought it over, and Daichi had a right to protect his friend. "You'll get no argument from me. Just know that the only ones who know the whole story are Saeko, Noya and his parents. Suga's folks know some of it; so please go to them first."

"No problem. Now onto something important. I've talked to the principal and right know there are no teachers who have the interest or the time to be our advisor for club. He has given permission for club to continue for the rest of the semester, with me and Suga in charge. The thing is, we cannot enter any tournaments without a coach or teacher advisor. I'm still asking around and maybe we can get one of the teachers to help before the school year is over. The question I have for the team is should we continue or close down?"

"I NEED volleyball." Tanaka would have been horrified to realize just what those three words revealed.

"Well I guess that's all we need to know." Daichi looked over at this best friend, "so you up for helping me manage this bunch of yahoos?"

A wide smile broke across Suga's face, "the only yahoo we have is this one and Noya, and really I think sicking Ennoshita on them when things get difficult would be all we need."

Daichi nodded, "now that that's settled, let's get this project knocked out." 

Ryu didn't look like he was ready to leave as the pair moved to the living room, where Diachi pulled books out of his backpack and Suga went to his room to get his stuff. 

"Can I stay? I won't make any noise." 

Tanaka sounded like a puppy just waiting to be kicked, and while Daichi knew that his presence would cause some distraction, he also knew that this was a reprieve for the pair. "Yeah, it's a research project for history class, nothing too intense, and it's not due for a week yet, but."

"But Daichi likes to get his homework done right away so he can spend more time on volleyball." Suga walked around the sofa with a couple of books and his laptop in hand. "You sticking around?"

"If that's alright." Ryu sat beside Suga on the sofa while Diachi sat at a right angle to them. He sat quietly while they worked. The laptop on the small table in front of the couch, books spread out. The sound of Daichi and Koshi talking created a comfortable place. Tanaka let his head fall against the back of the couch, his eyes slipping closed and his breath evened out.

Suga and Daichi worked diligently, smiling to each other when they heard soft snores coming from their teammate. 

"So I guess sleeping wasn't much of a priority last night," Daichi wiggled his eyebrows at the suggestive comment. He packed away the books they were using. They had gotten the majority of the assignment done; all that was left was to go over spelling and grammar and to make sure that it flowed properly. 

"I wish that was the reason," Suga muttered under his breathe, "nightmares and flashbacks. I guess he's been having them almost nightly since we got together. Then he had a massive panic attack last week. From what he told me last night, he's had a panic attack of some sort nearly every night since. I don't know how he's managed to function as much as he has lately. Last night there were extenuating circumstances so, Dad had him stay here. I'm just glad that he let me hold him last night."

"Panic attack? About what?"

"Coach Ukai collapsing."

"Yeah that gave me some nightmares too. Well if you want to talk you know where I am. I'm going to head off, I'll talk to Asahi, I know he was worried about the two of you as well."

"Thanks Daichi," Suga saw his best friend out then cleaned up the books and laptop. He grabbed the tv remote and sat beside Tanaka again. The dip in the sofa had Ryu tilting, so Suga helped him lie down, head in his lap. Ryu brought his feet up on the couch as he nuzzled into the hard thigh beneath his cheek. Koshi let his fingers run over the shaved head to gently massage the back of his head. He was amazed that Ryu trusted him the way he did. Koshi had done a little bit of research on the effects of abuse and what it can do to a person years later. He knew that Ryu would have to take the lead in this relationship at least until they were both more comfortable; and that was going to take time. Lots of time.

"Hey, gorgeous." Koshi trailed his finger down Ryu's face, "it's time to wake up, sweetie."

"Sweetie, really?" Ryu opened his eyes

"Snookums?"

Ryu smiled, a little giggle escaped.

"My little pookie bear?"

It started as a giggle and changed into a full laugh, one that transformed his face into light and hope, and hid the darkness that plagued him. "You do that and we'll both be beaten to a pulp." He turned over so he was lying on his back. Looking up into Suga's grey eyes. "Besides if you call me that I'll have to find something equally as sweet, maybe even get Diachi to help me." Ryu knew he had scored a point when Koshi's eyes flared wide open. Diachi had some dirt on his boyfriend, he just wondered what it would take to get his new captain to spill the beans.

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thank all of you who have read this so far and left kudos or comments. Once again this has not been Beta read so please be patient with the mistakes, of which I'm sure there are many. I do go back and correct those I find or are pointed out.


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